Nanny Joan’s Memorial
When someone passes away, it’s hard not to look back at life. Given the timing of Nanny Joan’s passing over two years ago and the state of the global pandemic since then, the whole family has had a lot of time to reflect. Not least in the immediate aftermath where most of our time was just sitting in a room, trying to keep busy.
Often in this reflection, people ask themselves what the last thing you did together was, the last holiday you went on, the last happy memory, the last words you said. Of course, I remember the last words that I said to Nanny Joan - I said “I’ll see you soon”.
At the time we knew things weren’t perfect. It was just before the pandemic really spread, but we knew that Nanny wasn’t well. My Dad, my brothers and I had rushed over on an emergency flight, not just to see Nanny Joan but also to support Mum who was going through the toughest time in her life. And when we left, I knew it wasn’t good - but I didn’t know what else to say, so I just said “I’ll see you soon”, like I always used to say.
No matter what happened, every year we always used to have fixed dates set in stone to see Nanny, whether for Christmas, birthdays, Easter, no matter how long we were apart as a family, we always knew it would be a case of “See you soon”.
For a while I regretted those words. I wished I had said something more, something like “I love you”. Something like, “Thank you for always being there for me, for Mum, for my brothers”. But I didn’t say that and now more than two years on, I know that no words would have ever been enough.
More importantly, I hope that anything I could have said, she already knew. I hope that she knew that she was so loved, by all of us. I know I never said thank you enough but I hope she always knew that I was thankful.
I look back now and smile, because I did see her soon. I see her every day with her picture on my bookshelf, I see her when I look through the photos of our holidays together, I see her when I think back to find family memories of everyone eating together at Christmas.
And eventually when I as too pass on, as we all will - I will see her again one last time, and I very much look forward to seeing you again Nanny Joan.
